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Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Winning Application

Dear John,

I write to inquire about potential employment at your bookstore, Dyslexia, beginning in January 2006.

I have always dreamt of opening a used bookstore that exclusively sells good books...and I realized that you are living my dream! (And I´m overlooking the Dan Brown section only because I heard you request its removal with my own ears). It would be an honor and a privilage to work for and among genuine book lovers.

My qualifications for this job stem back to the first grade, when I was placed in the highest reading group, a status I maintained throughout elementary school. I went on to finish my reading wheel first in the Fourth Grade, as well as earn a B.A. in English Literature at the University of Virginia, where I finished nowhere near the first in my class; but I attribute that mostly to cheap beer--which you know about, as a bar owner. It should be said that if I had the patience or the money, I would probably have a Graduate degree in English as well, as reading, thinking and writing about books are three of my favorite activities in the wide world. I have no doubt that I could be a valuable resource to your customers. In fact, most of the time, my brain just feels like a big fishbowl, swimming with books.

Please find my application attached. If you have any other questions about me, or my qualifications, please feel free to contact me the next time I am in your bookstore. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Most Sincerely Yours,
Skiles K Hornig
Aspiring Bookseller

P.S. I´m not sure how I´m going to afford any more of your books if you´re not paying me to sit there...so be advised that most of the money is coming right back to you.

Application
For Your Consideration:

Books I Love
Fiction: The Awakening, Kate Chopin
Cat´s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut
The Years, Virginia Woolf (and Mrs. Dalloway)

Non-Fiction: My Friend Leonard, James Frey
Helter Skelter (can´t remember)
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Hunter S. Thompson
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, Tom Wolfe

Bestsellers I love: The Stand, Stephen King (and The Shining...and just about everything Stephen King)
The Time Traveller´s Wife, Audrey (drawing a blank)
A Million Little Pieces, James Frey

Bestsellers I hate: Tuesdays with Morrie (couldn´t finish)
The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
The Lovely Bones

Books I am fascinated by but am sure I don´t understand:
The Sound and the Fury, William Faulkner
Ulysses, James Joyce
To The Lighthouse, Virginia Woolf

Books I should love but that, in reality, bore me to tears:
Anna Karinina (sp?) Tolstoy
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, James Joyce
A Confederacy of Dunces (which I shouldn´t say because I think this author killed himself before it was published)

Books on Tape I Loved:
America, The Book, Jon Stewart and the cast of the Daily Show
Bag of Bones, Stephen King

Books on Tape that almost killed me by putting me to sleep at the wheel:
Memoirs of a Geisha
The Alchemist (I really wanted to like that one)

Books I loved Growing up:
Stewart Little, EB White (the first novel I ever read)
James and the Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
Jumungi, Chris Van Allsberg

On My List to Read:
The Executioner´s Song, Norman Mailer
Light In August, William Faulkner
Everything in your bookstore

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